Another Truth or Dare Fic With The HP Cast
by mystic-angel5
Summary: Just another truth or dare fic with the hp cast... but this one's actually funny! Really! But don't take my word for it, read and review! (Fic features your favourite characters, as if they were stoned.)
1. it started with boerdom

Another Truth or Dare Fic With the HP Cast. But This One is Actually Funny!  
  
Chapter 1  
  
It was during the Christmas holidays and only a handful of Gryffindors had decided to stay at Hogwarts. The Weasleys (A/N d'yu REALLY expect me to write down all of those damned red haired kids names??? They could start their own hockey team dang-nabbit!), Hermione, Neville, Dean, Seamus and Harry (of course!).  
  
Currently, Fred and George were attempting to see how many Sickles could be shoved up their nostrils without suffocating, Neville was crocheting a pink sweater for Trevor the toad ("honestly Trevor! You'll catch your death in this weather!"), Dean and Seamus were betting on how many Sickles Fred and George could shove up their nostrils without suffocating, Ginny was reading a book entitled "The Boy Who Lived: A Guide on How to Get Harry Potter to Notice You" while Hermione was reading a book entitled "How to Get a Clueless Red Head With Freckles and a Long Nose to Notice You, Because Face it, He's a Clueless Git!" while sitting right across from Ron, who was drooling and looking blankly out the window. Harry was following Ron's suit.  
  
Suddenly, a pigeon smacked into the window. This woke Harry from his stupor. He entertained himself by watching the pigeon slide slowly down the glass, with a dazed expression on its face.  
  
"Hehe, look at the funny birdy Ron! RON!"  
  
Harry nudged Ron hard in the ribs. Ron retorted by slapping Harry in the back of the head. Harry slapped him back. Thus starting a huge, sissy slap fest. Dean and Seamus stopped watching Fred and George, and were now betting on who would lose the fight, as well as who would start crying first (all bets on Ron).  
  
Suddenly, Hermione got into the mix; she pulled Harry off of Ron (who had been giving Ron a wet-willy) and then dragged Ron back up onto his feet (who had been screeching like a school girl). She slapped them both across the face.  
  
"Knock it off you two!"  
  
Harry put his glasses back on (which had been thrown askew by a really sissy swipe delivered by Ron), while Ron stuck his tongue out a Hermione.  
  
"Big meanie!" Ron pouted.  
  
"If you were so bored that you felt the need to start a fight, you could have just said so! I think we're all pretty bored here!" scolded Hermione.  
  
At this point, Fred piped up in a really high-pitched voice (due to the Sickles shoved up his nose) "Why don't we play Truth or Dare???"  
  
George snorted, causing the Sickles to fly everywhere. Dean and Seamus dived onto the floor, scooping up the sickles.  
  
"Mind you wash those first!" said Neville over the clicking of his crocheting needles.  
  
Hermione snorted as well, but without spraying Sickles. "What a stupid game!"  
  
"D'yu have any better ideas?" said George, while he was smacking Dean and Seamus to give him his money back.  
  
"Well, I.," Hermione stammered, "fine! I'll play! But only because I have nothing better to do!"  
  
"Excellent!" said Fred, with his normal voice now, since he had dislodged the Sickles from his nose, "Are the rest of you in as well? Come and sit down if you are!"  
  
Dean and Seamus, now sore from being smacked around for taking George's money, nodded and sat down on the floor. Neville grabbed Trevor and his knittings and took a seat beside Seamus. Ginny and Hermione joined the circle, as Harry and Ron pulled up a piece of carpet as well. (A/N: Not literally doofies!)  
  
"Alrighty! Let's get this party started!" said Fred, (A/N: Hey! That rhymed! Take that Mother Goose!) as he took his seat on the floor, joining the circle.  
  
"How do we play?" asked Neville, struggling to fit his newly crotched jumper onto Trevor, who was putting up a tremendous fight against the violently pink wooly menace.  
  
"Simple!" said George, "One person spins this bottle-"George held up an empty Butterbeer bottle with flourish, "-and whom-ever the bottle lands on must either pick Truth or Dare. And when their decision is made, they MUST go through with it."  
  
"What happens if the person refuses to go through with it?" asked Neville timidly (as always).  
  
"Well, lets just say they would find out what it's like to only have 2 of your 5 senses remaining." stated George.  
  
Neville gulped, and continued to try and wretch the pink jumper onto Trevor.  
  
"Shall we begin then?" said Fred, taking the bottle from George and placing it on the floor.  
  
"Who goes first?" asked Dean.  
  
"You." said Fred.  
  
"Well, ok."  
  
With that, Dean grasped the bottle and gave it a quick spin. Harry was following it with his eyes, spinning his head round and round along with the bottle until he got so dizzy that he toppled over, his head landing in Ron's lap.  
  
"EWWW!" shouted Ron, as he shoved Harry off of himself, "I don't swing that way man!"  
  
"Gahh?" was all that Harry could say, as he tried to focus his eyes again.  
  
The bottle stopped on Seamus, who gave a startled jump knowing that he'd be the first to embarrass himself in front of everybody.  
  
"Truth or Dare?" asked Dean.  
  
"Ummm, truth!" said Seamus shakily, hoping his friend would go light on him.  
  
"O...k," said Dean, directing his head towards the ceiling to come up with a Truth. "have you ever.kissed a girl!"  
  
"Umm, what kinda' girl?" asked Seamus.  
  
"Wadduya think?" asked Dean impatiently  
  
"Well, I mean." Seamus began, "do you mean "kissed a girl" as in giving your grandmother a peck on the cheek, or frenched a piece of tail?"  
  
Everyone in the room snorted, except Hermione and Ginny who both scowled and snarled like rabid dogs.  
  
"Honestly!" Hermione huffed, "That is really derogatory! It's not polite to call a girl a "piece of tail" you know. We aren't just your playthings! We're people too! That's sexual harassment you know!  
  
"Haha! You said sex!" Harry slurred, pointing at Hermione.  
  
Hermione just gave him a patronizing look.  
  
"Sorry." Seamus said. "I didn't mean to offend you or anything."  
  
Hermione flared her nostrils like a Hungarian Horntail. For a moment it seemed like she was about to spit flame like one too. Instead she just said, "That's alright Seamus, just be careful of what you say from now on. Or else I'll have to bitch slap you I'm afraid."  
  
"Haha! Hermione said bitch!" Harry pointed and yelled out at Hermione again.  
  
Hermione gave him another patronizing look.  
  
"O, uh, that's fair I guess." Seamus said stupidly.  
  
"Hello? Are we done discussing witches rights now? Can we get on with the bloody game?!" Dean said angrily.  
  
"Haha! Dean said. ummm. Dean said. ummm.. Bloody. That's a funny word that is." Harry spouted off randomly.  
  
Ron punched him in the stomach. Harry squealed like a pig and then fainted.  
  
"Wussy." Ron said.  
  
"Ok Seamus, answer the question now." said Dean.  
  
"Fine, well, if you did mean whether I frenched a piece of tail, then yes." Seamus said. Right after he finished, Hermione hauled off and slapped him across the face.  
  
"Bitch I warned you!" she yelled, bringing her hand back up again.  
  
Seamus cried. Hermione sat back down. Everyone backed away from her very slowly. Luckily, Harry was still unconscious, otherwise he probably would have said something stupid and have incurred a bitch slap from Hermione.  
  
"Ok, Seamus," Hermione said calmly, after she had seated herself. "spin the bottle."  
  
"Seamus had stopped crying, and a large, red patch that looked exactly like a small, opened hand had risen upon his face. He reached a shaking hand forward, all the while staring fearfully at Hermione, and spun the bottle.  
  
A/N: So! Here is the first chappy of which I hope many will follow! But it is up to YOU to keep it going. Who will the bottle land on? What is Harry on and where can you get some? All these questions will be answered in chaps to come. More fun fun messed up ficcy goodness soon to come! Please review. or I'll think no one likes this fic and I won't continue. and I know you want it to continue as much as I do so REVIEW DANGNABBIT! Thanks! :D  
  
~Jaimy~ 


	2. the prince and the frog

.The bottle spun for what seemed like ages until it landed upon (A/N: drumroll please: dum dad a dum da da dummmm!) Fred.  
  
Seamus, now recovering from the humiliation of being made into Hermione's bitch, was ready to deal out some punishment. He wasn't going to be made a fool of by his lonesome. No. they were all going to go down with him. o yes. then they would see. MWAHAHAHA! Whoops! I'm not supposed to add my own thoughts to my fics am I? Anyways, back to the story.  
  
"Truth or dare?" Seamus asked, with an unnaturally large grin on his face.  
  
Fred straightened up, and with useless flourish responded, "Dare. A Weasly fears nothing! Do your worst! I'll make you my bitch in the end anyways."  
  
The group laughed loudly. Neville covered Trevor's ears. Seamus blushed openly, and tried to regain his composure.  
  
"Fine! O, I'll show you!" Seamus shouted, pointing at Fred with a manic glint in his eye.  
  
Harry suddenly woke up with his start, "The penguins ate my bacon!" He yelled, receiving many odd looks from the group. He blinked stupidly a few times, sat up and punched Ron in the face. "Stupid penguin." he slurred. Ron passed out.  
  
Seamus turned away from Harry and said uncomfortably, "Riiiiight. shall we continue?"  
  
The group nodded and Harry yelled out; "Ya! Let's get those penguins!" before being slapped by Hermione. "Dirty penguin." he muttered.  
  
"Ok then," Seamus said, "Fred, I dare you to." he cast his eyes around the room, searching for a sadistic dare. ". kiss Neville's toad!" he finalized triumphantly.  
  
The room gasped. Ron awoke just as an overreacted Harry jumped nearly foot into the air, and came to land on Ron's face.  
  
"How many times do I have to tell you Harry? I-DON'T-SWING-THAT-WAY!" Ron's words were oddly muffled since Harry's butt was still stationed on his face. Hermione pushed Harry off of Ron, who was now a funny green colour. Harry started giggling.  
  
"Hehe, I ate beans for lunch today!" Harry said stupidly.  
  
"HE WILL NOT VIOLATE MY TREVOR!" Neville yelled out in horror, clutching the violently pink bundle that was Trevor.  
  
Fred looked at Seamus, "Shouldn't I at least buy him a drink first?" he said, grinning, ready to shove it in Seamus' face that his dare was lame.  
  
Seamus seemed unperturbed by Fred's comment and ease, and simply said, "Well, get on with it then, your date is waiting."  
  
Neville was near to tears as George was trying to wretch the squirming toad from his grip. George ended up having to smack Neville around the ears, and threaten to spread rumors that Neville had come out of the closet, which was DEFINETLY not hard to believe, before he finally released his precious toad.  
  
"Here you are Fred!" George said, smirking, as he presented Trevor to Fred with a flourish.  
  
"Why thank you George!" Fred said politely, trying to save face. "So Seamus, what are the conditions?" he asked.  
  
"Umm, right, lets see. you have to hold the kiss for 30 seconds! If you stop before that you are disqualified. Oh! And it has to be on Trevor's lips!" Seamus stated.  
  
"Do frogs even have lips?" Ginny asked quizzically.  
  
"Meh." Fred said, "Well, better get this over with." Fred stared down at the toad, and decided he may as well do the thing properly; "Hey good lookin'," Fred cooed, with a sly look in his eyes, his eyebrow cocked at a jaunty angle, "what's a frog like you doin' in a dump like this?"  
  
Laughs resounded through the group, then Harry spoke up. "Actually, Trevor is a toad, for if he were a frog, he would be unable to successfully survive on-land. Frogs are aquatic, although they can survive on land for short periods of time, they have not yet been able to achieve the same levity on land as the toad."  
  
When Harry finished, the group was stunned.  
  
"OMG!" yelled Dean, "He's been possessed by Hermione!" Dean pointed at Hermione, "Witch!"  
  
"Well, duh,"said Hermione. "But as to the possession, not a chance. I would never enter Harry, nor would I let him enter me."  
  
The group laughed again, more wildly this time, all staring at Hermione.  
  
"What??" Hermione said, unawares of the sick and twisted minds of her fellows, "What?" she said more urgently.  
  
Harry piped up again, "Oh poor Hermione, they were laughing at you because you said duh. Duh."  
  
More laughter from the group. This time directed at Harry's recovered ignorance.  
  
"See??" Harry pointed out to Hermione. "They LOVE the word duh. Weirdo British people. Wait a minute, I'm British. Hehe, I'm weird too. Hey, where did those damn penguins get off to?"  
  
Hermione gave him yet another patronizing look.  
  
"Ugh! Can Fred just kiss the frog already??" Seamus said angrily.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, don't get your knickers in a twist." Fred said irritably, then looked down at the frog (A/N: Frog, toad, whatever. They both go hop and are green). "This'll hurt me more than it hurts you." Fred said. Trevor croaked, just as Fred leaned down to kiss him, as if he knew what horror was about to be afflicted upon him.  
  
There was an uproar just as Fred's lips touched those of Trevor's. Hysterical laughter burst out from all sides, and Seamus was keeping time with a stopwatch.  
  
"15 seconds to go!" he sounded off.  
  
Fred held strong, his lips pressed to Trevor's, then, something very odd happened. Odd and disturbing. Trevor's lips (or whatever toads have) opened, and his long, slimy tongue, reached out. Luckily, Fred was kissing close-mouthed. He didn't put out that way on first dates. The tongue reached out and planted itself instead firmly inside of Fred's nose.  
  
"Ok, times up!" Seamus cried, through gales of laughter.  
  
Fred flung Trevor at Neville, who caught him, then cradled him in his arms, muttering things like "daddy loves you," and "the bad man is gone," then he started to sing him a lullaby. Disturbing things these are.  
  
"Happy??" Fred spat. Literally.  
  
"Yes, quite." Seamus managed to choke out while wiping his eyes.  
  
"Good, I'll spin then. It's MY turn now." and with that, Fred spun the bottle, with a sadistic glint in his eye.  
  
"Hey!" Harry said, as the bottle was spinning, "I never thought of it, but Trevor is one horny toad!"  
  
And they all started laughing huge gales of cheesy laughter until the bottle landed on.  
  
A/N: HAHA! Cliffhangers rock. OK then, you have the second chappy, now do you want another? I can't hear you, I said DO YOU WANT ANOTHER??? Good, now, you tell me what dares/truths you would like included in later chaps, and I will keep up with the messed up ficcys. 'Cause I KNOW that is what you want. Please review. Or else. MWAHAHAH! Yes.  
  
~Jaimy~ 


End file.
